Saturday, August 20, 2011

Parents Complain about adoloscent children!

We have been facing crises of character and crises of conscience, the world over. The family which is one of the basic institutions of our society has been under tremendous pressure for quite some time and has been breaking. Our mothers were our first teachers. The family was our first school. Unfortunately, transition from the agrarian society to the industrial society led to the family passing on its role of educating the younger generation to teachers in a school. Eric Ashby regards this as the first revolution of the world.

In India, we had a firm foundation of values and these were transmitted by the family to the children. The ethical foundations of the society were strong and prayer, meditation, fasting, religious teaching gave all of us a strong moral foundation. The elders were respected; parents were held in high esteem and hence obeyed and followed. Cut throat competition, absence of ethical values, desire to be rich as fast as possible and climb the social ladder of influence and power; has led to degradation of human values. Coupled with this, the social upheavals’, the spurt of violence, the influence of media, change in life style and food habits, the impact of peer pressure and the absence of rational and human parental control has led to growth of a misguided younger generation. The percentage of such youth is very high in each social strata and more so in upper middle classes and the upper classes. These youth resent being advised and guided. They want freedom from all controls and resent any intrusion or interference in their life and work. They have their own preferences, likes and dislikes, recreational activities, social and political outlook and look upon the family as an institution that meets their needs. They feel and believe that their parents are obliged to do what they do for their upbringing, education, career since the parents are under a debt to their own parents for having done it for them. Often, if the parents are not so well educated or placed in society, the young start taking charge and advising them on matters concerning family, life etc. The anti-social elements are always on the lookout for such youth as they easily fall prey to their mechanization and the desire to enjoy a life of luxury. Sometimes the youth experiment with their lives and fall prey to substance abuse, become drug addicts, alcoholics and so on.

Our problem as teachers becomes acute when we try to bring the school and the home closer and interact with the parents of such students, in the hope that together we may improve upon the behavior and academic performance of these students. What the parents share in confidence reveals that the student has revolted against parental control already and the parents are scared of him. He has already threatened the parents of dire consequences in case they keep nagging, advising or complaining against him. These threats vary from suicide, running away from home, joining bands of anti-social elements, bringing bad name to the family to physical assault on the parents. Stories from such parents are heart rendering and our blood boils. But this is the true test of a teacher’s patience, care and love for the student.

I have been a strong advocate of love-therapy and even when people regarded my love for my student as a sign of weakness and cowardice; I can boast of the fact that it has helped me in dealing with over 90% cases. The remaining 10% needed psychological counseling for behavior modification. Our Schools have to have a climate of dedicated scholarship and pursuit of excellence in any and all fields has to be rewarded. The students need to find that the school has teachers who are scholars in their subjects and role-models of what they say and desire their students to be. The Schools have to have a vision, a value system, a culture that sets the tone for all activities. Adolescents are passing through a period of stress and strain. They want to assert their authority. They need appreciation and recognition for what they are. They are very conscious of themselves and do not like to be treated as kids or insulted in public or a social group. They thirst for appreciation, for improving upon their self esteem, for recognition and for love. They have reserves of surplus energy and want to use it. They are torn by emotional conflicts, physical bodily and glandular changes, social interactions and the absence of models. The failure of both teachers and parents to understand the growth and developmental needs of the adolescent, the stress levels, the pressure of studies and the peer group influence are the other factors that add to his misery.

What should we as teachers do in these circumstances?
• Be aware of the growth and development characteristics of students.
• Find out more about their family, their peer group, their interests, their study schedule, their learning style, their hopes and fears, their psychological makeup etc
• Provide for a range of activities in the school as keeps the student always engaged. These have to be a variety of Physical Activities, Games & Sports, Recreational Activities, and Activities for Social, Emotional and aesthetic development.
• Activities like Theatre, Adventure Sports, Dramatics, Nature Trips, Tours, Leadership Camps, working in teams for NGO’s, Social causes, Experimentation, Group Projects etc; have been found useful.
• Every teacher has to be a counselor, a surrogate parent, a scholar with expert knowledge of his subject, a human being with a caring and loving heart and a friend.
• Value education has to be an integral part of the School Programme. It can be both Direct and Indirect. Schools have to realize that ‘Values are caught and not taught.’
• Teachers must be good listeners. Do not offer advice at once. Listen. Befriend the child. He needs an understanding friend. Model the behavior you wish your student to acquire. Show him examples and models that are positive. Use anecdotes, parables, and stories to drive home your point.
• Visit the family of the child more often. Have talk sessions with all present. The parents may also need counseling. Set targets and goals with time-lines for the students. Make parents help the child achieve the target.
• Conduct case studies of a few cases that you find alarming and in need of help. Use the Case Study to identify the causes and we can all put our heads together to find remedies.